if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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