you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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