Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
