i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
