I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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