ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
