the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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