this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize