apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
