Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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