so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
