Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
