I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
