I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
