I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
