Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
