I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
