In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
