I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
