i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
