Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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