I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
