All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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