Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have tasted many bathrooms
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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