I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
