# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Pants are for mortals
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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