dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
