atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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