some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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