I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
