I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's never too late to be topless.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
