How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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