Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
