If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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