there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
