Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
