Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
