Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
