All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
