there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
