She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
