my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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