I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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