Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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