i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
