remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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