Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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