I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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