He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
