I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
