everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
