dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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