she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
