i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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