Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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