ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
