i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
