yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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