you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
