I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
