her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
