Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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