Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
