I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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