i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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