Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
