Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So squirting runs in the family.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
