I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
