Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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