This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
