omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
