there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
