he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
