hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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