it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
