Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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