Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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