How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
