Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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